Frightened To Betrayal (Chapter 4 Excerpt)
“I didn’t understand that kind of disloyalty and betrayal for someone that I loved more than my own self, the only reason I got up every day was to make Momma happy and protect her. The massive amounts of abuse I was undertaking could’ve been the culprit for sure, but none of that mattered, because I was frightened into betraying Momma, I cried silently daily. Now what seemed to be a lifespan of time was all over within minutes, the tyrant was sleep, Momma was terribly beaten again and another deep wound had scarred me for life! Dang one more tormenting memory, one more painful cut, and most definitely one more reason to hate myself, my life, and my Daddy’s actions.
Had I truly forsaken my Dearest Love? You have to understand the dynamics of our family before you can understand the plot. Me and Momma were the peanut butter and jelly, the tea and honey, and the cream in the coffee kind of duo as long as Daddy wasn’t present. When Daddy entered the equation Momma flipped the script and I became the lowest one on the totem pole as they say. But I had a loyalty and commitment in my heart towards My Love that was absolutely unbreakable. I always felt the urgency to protect, save, and defend Momma at all costs and Daddy knew the dedication I had for Momma. Therefore it made it cruel and scandalous, somewhat abominable for Daddy to use me, the one that Momma counted and trusted on the most. Unfortunately, Daddy knew the right one to exploit, the naive and gullible one, or one could say the weakest link to his devices! Suga’s bed was next to the door and the first one you would have to pass after entering the room, so Daddy had to pass her to get to me. Why did Daddy pass Suga and not question her before coming to me, she’s older than me and his closest, read on. Daddy’s intent was insidious, calculating and crafty for the purpose of me betraying Momma’s confidence and her trust in her only confidant. Daddy wanted Momma isolated with no allies. The only one Momma knew she could count on and trust had now became a traitor, breaching the loyalty, oh what a sorrowful thought to think how Momma’s heart truly felt. Sadly for a great period of time Daddy’s plan paid him great dividends because Momma knew I loved, cared and wholeheartedly wanted to protect her, but Momma also knew she could not rely on my fear and terror from my Daddy god and his arsenal of mental and physical weaponry. Did Momma forgive me? Yes absolutely, even though we never really talked about it, Momma understood the tremendous amount of pressure Daddy applied on me that early morning. Pressure busted my pipes that day in a way that caused me to commit treason remorsefully and shamefully, Daddy was successful, temporarily.”
- Written by Linda Watters Gosey