Frightened To Betrayal (Chapter 4 Excerpt)

“I didn’t understand that kind of disloyalty and betrayal for someone that I loved more than my own self, the only reason I got up every day was to make Momma happy and protect her. The massive amounts of abuse I was undertaking could’ve been the culprit for sure, but none of that mattered, because I was frightened into betraying Momma, I cried silently daily. Now what seemed to be a lifespan of time was all over within minutes, the tyrant was sleep, Momma was terribly beaten again and another deep wound had scarred me for life! Dang one more tormenting memory, one more painful cut, and most definitely one more reason to hate myself, my life, and my Daddy’s actions. 

     Had I truly forsaken my Dearest Love? You have to understand the dynamics of our family before you can understand the plot. Me and Momma were the peanut butter and jelly, the tea and honey, and the cream in the coffee kind of duo as long as Daddy wasn’t present. When Daddy entered the equation Momma flipped the script and I became the lowest one on the totem pole as they say. But I had a loyalty and commitment in my heart towards My Love that was absolutely unbreakable. I always felt the urgency to protect, save, and defend Momma at all costs and Daddy knew the dedication I had for Momma. Therefore it made it cruel and scandalous, somewhat abominable for Daddy to use me, the one that Momma counted and trusted on the most. Unfortunately, Daddy knew the right one to exploit, the naive and gullible one, or one could say the weakest link to his devices! Suga’s bed was next to the door and the first one you would have to pass after entering the room, so Daddy had to pass her to get to me. Why did Daddy pass Suga and not question her before coming to me, she’s older than me and his closest, read on. Daddy’s intent was insidious, calculating and crafty for the purpose of me betraying Momma’s confidence and her trust in her only confidant. Daddy wanted Momma isolated with no allies. The only one Momma knew she could count on and trust had now became a traitor, breaching the loyalty, oh what a sorrowful thought to think how Momma’s heart truly felt. Sadly for a great period of time Daddy’s plan paid him great dividends because Momma knew I loved, cared and wholeheartedly wanted to protect her, but Momma also knew she could not rely on my fear and terror from my Daddy god and his arsenal of mental and physical weaponry. Did Momma forgive me? Yes absolutely, even though we never really talked about it, Momma understood the tremendous amount of pressure Daddy applied on me that early morning. Pressure busted my pipes that day in a way that caused me to commit treason remorsefully and shamefully, Daddy was successful, temporarily.”

- Written by Linda Watters Gosey

The Cuddler (Chapter 7 Excerpts)

“I wanted so badly to ask this broken man how did it feel to get smacked around? As much as I shun violence, I can honestly say in that moment I felt he deserved that butt-kicking and more. But I was taught you never kick a horse while he’s down so I kept my thoughts in my brain and far away from my tongue, at least for now. I truly had heartfelt empathy for KP but the more he ran his disrespectful mouth my empathy turned into anger that this grown man took my freedom of thought, action, and my freedom of innocence. KP being one of many that molested my purity, my intellect, my history, my future, my mind, my body, my spirit, and my soul and abused my whole being at the highest level. The sickness throughout this evil sexual slavery with KP was he manipulated and exploited my simpleness and ignorance and convinced me to believe that he was the victim and I was the perpetrator. Pulling up to KP’s house I watched him stagger to door without my help or support because he did not want me to touch, help or assist him therefore I watched this pitiful boy/man drag himself up the stairs and when his babysitter mother answered the door, this over two hundred and fifty pound man flops into her arms. This time life caught up with her baby, the beater had been on the other side of the coin and was beaten badly. I had enough respect to wait for his help in the way of his mother and explain to her as much as I could because KP needed her assistance, so as I had done so many times before, I pulled off but this time I knew it was going to be different. 

     Again along my traveled journey came rust in the form of brokenness, bruising and shattering, but God’s unmerited mercy strengthened me therefore that night I took back from KP my dignity, self-respect, self-honor, and self-worth. You see this time when I pulled off it was mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, not just physically, God is faithful. That night KP was rushed to emergency because he had sustained substantial injuries at Richmond Produce, from contusions and concussions to his head, to several broken ribs and bones, but what was most injured, was his inflated ego that lacked empathy or concern for mankind. I saw KP a few times shortly after the incident and he cried sorrowful apologies with wet tears and a bowed down head of shame, I forgave KP from my heart and we parted our ways. As I ended that awful chapter of my life with KP, amazingly I was the one God blessed to walk away from a Domestic abuser that could’ve taken my life.”

- Written by Linda Watters Gosey

Greatest Gifts (Chapter 13 Excerpts)

“ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS PARENTS CAN GIVE THEIR CHILDREN IS ALLOWING THEM TO BE KIDS...

I come in peace and love on the behalf of all children, for their rights, their future and their lives. I am believing one day I will get the opportunity to share this chapter with my grandchildren when they are old enough to understand and comprehend mentally, that it is never a child’s fault for the actions of their parents.

     Encouragement should be reinforced by assuring children that they are loved and always have been loved. First of all children belong to GOD not parents, not people! Therefore understand NO ONE, and again I say NO ONE has a God given right to deprive children of their heritage, history, and love, without tremendous repercussions! When a parent decides to alienate or take a child out of the other parent’s life and not allow the child or children to see, visit, nor have access to the other parent then understand that you are dangerously destroying the overall development and well-being of your child which could possibly have severe and deadly consequences in your child’s life.

     One of the most toxic environments for children to grow-up in, is one where their individual identity is tampered with from the negative statements that they hear about their absent parent. It becomes a confusing hostile territory where they lack a sense of identity, because one half of a child’s genetics and make-up comes from each parent and being able to identify with each parent is crucial in the totality of the total self. Equivalently a child can often begin to think and/or feel parental hatred about an absent parent from the hate talk they have been subjected to. When a parent speaks emotionally abusive and negative statements by projecting angry rants of hostility and venting rage about the child’s other parent it oftentimes causes lingering effects of isolation, seclusion, loneliness, social withdraws, reclusiveness and if not monitored a child can possibly begin to self-mutilate, or become suicidal, God help us all. This can also lead the child to have the same negative association towards themselves, which can manifest in negative ways such as self-sabotage, self-loathing, self-dislike, and self-hate that usually leads to self-identity issues or worse.

Let’s talk facts!

It is a FACT that a mother can NOT perform the role of a father to a boy child, nor can she raise a boy to become a man. Boys need their relationship with their fathers to gain a sense of themselves and to understand their association to masculinity and male identity from their father. Without that relationship they often grow up lost and confused about their identity as a man. Noting it is equally factual that a father can NOT submit to the role of a woman for a girl child, nor can a male parent raise a girl to become a woman. As boys need their father, girls need their mothers to understand their female essence, self-esteem, body image, emotional moods and needs, and body changes in development, and much more. Without the nurturing influences of their mother, girls tend to self-loathe, having the inability to mature into functional womanhood resulting in dysfunctional and/or abusive relationships, tragically.”

- Written by Linda Watters Gosey